Here is my first post since arriving Haiti on January 8th. I am not sure why it has taken me so long, as I simply draw blanks when I finally get internet. But here is what he has laid on my heart today on this gorgeous Sunday morning as I sit so comfortable on our house deck overlooking a stunning ocean view. Along with that view is the usual Haitian group of fishermen or is it a family? Men and women congregate on the pier just beyond the cement, barbed wire, wall of the orphanage. They are colorful, boisterous and animated. What I wouldn’t give to understand what they are talking, no, yelling about. They are not self-conscience of the volume level which is amusing. They know I am here and watching as I see them staring up here now and again. Sometimes I wave and often I look away so as not to appear a rude. Their boats are dilapidated and on countless occasions we wonder aloud exactly what they are fishing for. One day they yelled up to me and when I looked over one held up what I think was a lobster. kisa? no mesi….I just wasn’t gonna go there.
This is when I wonder in my thoughts, why? Why do I get to sit up here, drink my coffee, check email and live an easier life than them? How do I make sense of this?
I am beginning to see life here better as a long term missionary than a short termer. Even still, we are some what short-term as we here 3 months. But time certainly gives a more clear picture of the people and life in Haiti.
Given time here or maybe any third world country, questions arise in your mind. Why am I here? How am I helping? How do these people view us? Why do I have and they have not? How is this fair? What is God thinking?
Why am I here? Because God weaved our pathway here in a miraculous way. Two years ago I’d have laughed at you if you said that we would come to Haiti and then our daughter would go back to live for who knows how long. Then for it to open in to us coming for a season in time? Never saw this coming. But I like it!
How am I helping? I (we) simply help in any way we can. We have a role at Tytoo that we have been entrusted with and every morning we lay it down in front of God and ask for His guidance and help. Sometimes I have to remind myself of this (that’s God) and I press on even when I don’t want to.
How do these people view us? I would think this would be varied. Most find that the Haitian people as a whole are quite welcoming and friendly people. In the villages they yell and laugh and wave and they are much less scary than they look. Especially when they break into that beautiful, white-toothed smile! But how do they view us was the question? I think they love us as we love them. I think many view us as potential help. I think this is simply human nature and we would do the same if we walked in their worn sandals. There are times when this gets discouraging because it can be emotionally wearing to know there is so much need with such limited resources. I love to quote the great Mother Teresa when she said, “if you can’t help the masses, help one”. A freeing thought.
Why do I have and they have not? Maybe the question more is, what are you doing with what you do have? Please don’t mistake this for judgement or condemnation. This is between me/you and God. I wrestle in my own struggle enough to know that it’s personal for each person.
How is this fair? It appears not to be. But when I look deeper and see so many happy people here in Haiti I begin to wonder. Of course they aren’t happy when their kids are hungry or they can’t find work, but I have yet to find a depressed Haitian. Surely there must be, but what I mean is this. These people have nothing but the Lord and this is apparent in how they trust him every day! This country has not dismissed the Giver of life. He is alive and well. Oft times I think we base fairness on the stuff we have and not the fullness of our soul.
What is God thinking? I admit that this thought crosses my mind now and again and I pray that God knows I do it with the upmost respect 🙂 But really? How does this make sense? My heart (that’s God) tells me that I might not get the answer in this life. For who knows the mind of Christ? (1 Cor 2:16)
Fast forward two hours later. In between that time we have been trying figure out why we can’t get water in Ali and Taunya’s rooms? how Rog can communicate to Chad business he has going with Canada? how to deal with the woman that appeared at the top of our stairs who needs help with her little girl that we helped get to the hospital? We also have heard the church vehicles coming and going outside, the sound of worship singing in Creole, Pastor’s passionate sermon and much more. Suddenly I realize that the people on the pier are gone. Just gone, finni! What? When did they disperse? Where did they go? How did it get quiet and lovely again without me noticing them leave? So many questions……